30- Premarital and Couples Counseling: Do You or Your Partner Embrace Your Femininity or Masculinity? And Do You Take Care of Your Appearance?

Marya Sirous
Jul 15
5 min read

30-Premarital and Couples Counseling: Do You or Your Partner Embrace Your Femininity or Masculinity? And Do You Take Care of Your Appearance?

Introductory Quote

"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself."

— Coco Chanel

Introduction

In a couple, physical appearance and gender identity are never neutral. Often without realizing it, the way each partner embodies their femininity or masculinity — and the care they give to their body — influences emotional dynamics, desire, mutual respect, and even the overall emotional balance of the relationship.

Embracing one's feminine or masculine side does not mean conforming to stereotypes. It means feeling comfortable in your gender, your body, your energy, and in the image you project to your partner.

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps you understand what your partner sees, admires, or misses in how you show up in your relationship: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 1: Amira and Vincent – The Cost of Self-Abandonment

Amira and Vincent have been together for ten years. Since having children, Amira no longer wears makeup, opts for practical but shapeless clothes, and pays little attention to her appearance. She says: “I don’t have the time. And anyway, he loves me as I am.”

Vincent doesn’t say anything. He remains present, kind, and attentive. But in session, he eventually confides: “She’s still beautiful in my eyes, but I feel invisible to her. It’s like she doesn’t make any effort, not even for herself.”

Amira isn’t neglecting herself out of disinterest. She has simply lost herself in her role as a mother. And along with her appearance, she’s also put her femininity aside.

When she realized that caring for her appearance wasn’t a marital obligation but an act of self-love, she slowly began to allow herself to look at herself… and to like what she saw again.

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps you reconnect with your self-image, free from guilt or pressure: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 2: Kevin and Thomas – Masculinity and Silent Complexes

Kevin and Thomas have been in a solid relationship for four years. But a growing discomfort is surfacing for Thomas: he feels that Kevin no longer finds him desirable.

In session, Thomas explains that he feels less masculine than his partner. Kevin is athletic, confident, and comfortable in his body. Thomas, on the other hand, has always struggled with his masculinity — he was teased as a teenager and never truly embraced his body or his orientation.

He says: “It feels like he’s the ‘manly’ one in our couple, and I’m the tender, discreet one.”

This perceived imbalance creates a silent tension. Yet Kevin has never wanted to dominate. He simply didn’t realize that Thomas was carrying a painful and unspoken struggle with his sense of femininity.

Being able to name and share this vulnerability helped ease their relationship… and rekindled a deeper kind of desire.

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps reconcile identity, desire, and self-confidence: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 3: Hélène and Samir – When Weight Becomes a Taboo

Hélène and Samir have been married for eight years. Their bond is real, but discomfort has settled into their intimacy. Hélène has gained weight over the years — first due to hormone treatment, then due to exhaustion and discouragement.

She says: “I hide when I change clothes. I can’t even look at myself, so letting him look at me is even harder.”

Samir never criticizes. He is gentle, caring, and loving. But he no longer knows how to approach the topic. He avoids compliments, fearing they’ll be taken the wrong way, and avoids physical gestures for fear of making her uncomfortable.

The silence surrounding Hélène’s body has created a void. It’s not the weight itself that’s the issue — it’s the discomfort, the lost confidence, and the mutual sense of walking on eggshells.

In session, Hélène said: “I need him to touch me, even if I don’t love myself. I need him to see me, even if I’ve gained weight.”

👉 Premarital and couples counseling restores dialogue, gaze, and physical connection beyond insecurities: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 4: Liyana and Farid – Chasing the Ideal Body

Liyana and Farid were married for several years when Farid began comparing her body to the beauty standards seen in magazines and films. Subtly at first, then more directly, he suggested she undergo cosmetic surgery to “look more like them.”

Wanting to please him, Liyana accepted. She underwent surgeries on her breasts, buttocks, and nose. At first, after healing, she was almost happy with the result.

But Farid wasn’t satisfied. He started suggesting more changes — more perfection. Liyana was shocked. She realized she had altered her body not for herself, but to win a love that kept shifting its conditions.

She eventually asked for a divorce to regain her peace of mind. She came to see me, saying: “Now my own body reminds me that I wasn’t enough — not feminine enough.”

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps protect self-worth and redefine beauty on your own terms: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Psychological Analysis

Embracing femininity or masculinity doesn’t mean playing a role. It means inhabiting your body and inner posture with sincerity.

Family, cultural, or religious models often lock gender into rigid stereotypes, resulting in:

Women who feel guilty for being attractive
Men who disconnect from their sensitivity
Partners who judge or compare one another

Yet desire in a couple also arises from the energy you radiate. Not to please at all costs — but to feel alive, desirable, and seen.

Not taking care of yourself may sometimes hide a deeper wound: low self-esteem, fear of being seen, rejection of one’s gender, or a sense of uselessness.

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps you rediscover the joy of fully existing — in your gender and your skin: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Practical Steps to Explore as a Couple

Ask yourselves: Am I comfortable with my femininity/masculinity?
List what makes you feel confident in your appearance… and what makes you feel ashamed
Talk about what you find beautiful, attractive, powerful, or moving in your partner
Ask yourself if you care for your appearance out of joy… or because you’ve lost yourself
Create a ritual where each person dresses or grooms for themselves, not just the other
Offer yourselves a photo shoot, a spa day, or a special outfit that makes you feel alive

👉 Premarital and couples counseling helps you reintegrate your gender energy into your relationship: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Inspiring Conclusion

Taking care of yourself is neither vanity nor a marital duty. It’s a way to tell yourself — and your partner — “I’m here, alive, grounded, and worthy of love.”

Embracing your femininity or masculinity isn’t about conforming to an image. It’s about daring to fully inhabit the most confident, liberated version of yourself.