34- Have You Clearly Shared Your Expectations With Your Partner? Are They Willing to Meet Them?

Marya Sirous
Sep 1
4 min read

Opening Quote

"Clarity is the foundation of every strong relationship."— Harville Hendrix

Premarital and Couples Counseling in Nice

34- Have You Clearly Shared Your Expectations With Your Partner? Are They Willing to Meet Them?

Introduction

In a relationship, it's not enough to know your own expectations — or to try guessing those of your partner. It is essential to express them clearly, and then check whether the other is both able and willing to meet them.

Because an unspoken expectation quickly becomes a silent reproach, and an imposed expectation becomes a form of pressure.

Premarital and couples counseling in Nice provides a safe space to ask the real questions:"Can I tell you what I need?" and especially:"Are you willing to respond — in your own way?"

📍 Book your session: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 1: Marc and Élise — A Simple Request With a Deeper Meaning

Marc, 45, has been living with Élise for two years. One day, he expresses a seemingly simple request:"I’d like you to be home when I come back from work, at least a few evenings a week."

Élise is surprised. She often works late and gets absorbed in her projects. She responds:"I didn’t know it was so important to you."

During the session, Marc shares that as a child, he used to return to an empty house. The simple act of being greeted by a loving face helps soothe that lingering solitude.

Élise, moved, replies:"Now that I understand, of course I can make that effort. It’s not a sacrifice, it’s a way to show connection."

Lesson: Sometimes, just clearly expressing what we need — without blame — is enough. The other might be willing to respond… if they understand why it matters.

📍 Counseling in Nice helps you express your needs before they turn into pain: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 2: Sana and Thomas — One Wants More Time, the Other More Space

Sana expresses her need clearly: to be a priority in Thomas’s schedule. For her, love is expressed through quality time.Thomas, although he loves Sana, has a vital need for solitude to recharge.

In counseling, Sana says:"I told you what I need, but you don’t change."Thomas replies:"I hear you, but I can’t betray myself to please you."

Their work in therapy is to allow two legitimate needs to coexist: the need for presence and the need for autonomy. Neither one is wrong — but both must be heard.

Lesson: Expressing a need isn’t enough. You must also check whether your partner can meet it without betraying themselves.

📍 Premarital counseling in Nice helps you break out of vicious circles of misunderstanding: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 3: Manel and Hugo — She Wants to Get Engaged

Manel has loved Hugo for four years. They live together and are planning to have a child — but Hugo never talks about marriage. One day, Manel dares to say:"I’d like us to get engaged."

Hugo hesitates:"I love you, but I’ve never believed in marriage."This expectation becomes a source of tension.

In therapy, they explore the symbolism behind it: for Manel, marriage means emotional and social security. For Hugo, it feels like a rigid institution.They decide to invent their own engagement ritual — more intimate and meaningful for both.

Lesson: Once an expectation is expressed, it can be discussed, transformed, or honored in another form.

📍 Premarital and couples counseling in Nice helps you move beyond yes/no ultimatums and create new possibilities: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Psychological and Theoretical Analysis

Psychologist John Gottman highlights that in lasting relationships, 69% of conflicts are perpetual — meaning they can’t be resolved.So what matters isn’t solving the problem, but how we talk about it.

When one partner shares a need, the other should be able to respond honestly:"I can", "I’m willing to try", or "That’s not something I can offer."

In philosophy, Paul Ricœur reminds us that human identity is built through recognition. To be acknowledged in your needs is to be acknowledged in your humanity.

Finally, Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Nonviolent Communication, distinguishes between requests (open) and demands (closed). A well-formulated expectation always leaves the other free to say no.

📍 Counseling in Nice helps you speak without imposing and listen without guilt: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Practical Tools: How to Express Expectations Effectively

Start with “I would like…” instead of “You must…”
Speak in “I” (feelings) rather than “You” (blame)
Distinguish between your core needs and your strategies to fulfill them
Be open to hearing a “no” without taking it as rejection
Look together for alternative ways to meet both your needs

📍 These tools are practiced in session to clarify, soothe, and move forward: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Conclusion

Expressing your expectations is like offering your partner a map of your inner world. But they also need the freedom to respond in their own way — or not at all.

In a conscious relationship, the goal of communication is not to obtain, but to understand, co-create, and honor differences.