Article 19: Premarital and Couples Counseling: What Are Their Areas of Success? List Them! And Do the Same for Yourself

Article 19: Premarital and Couples Counseling: What Are Their Areas of Success? List Them! And Do the Same for Yourself

Introductory Quote"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."— Robert Collier

IntroductionWe have all achieved things in our lives — big or small, visible or discreet. And yet, most of the time, we forget how much we have already accomplished.This lack of awareness leaves room for doubt, anxiety, and sometimes self-sabotage. In premarital and couples counseling, taking the time to list each person's achievements is a powerful exercise: it helps restore confidence, honor the journey traveled, and reconnect with one’s self-worth.This article explores this theme through two case studies, an in-depth psychological analysis, and practical exercises you can try with your partner.👉

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Case Study 1: Antoine and Carla

Antoine and Carla were an organized, methodical couple, very proud of their two children. But when they came to see me, mental fatigue was clearly visible: tension, withdrawal, depression. Antoine had lost all passion for his work. He went each morning reluctantly, spent the day watching the clock, and escaped into his video games as soon as he got home. He had convinced himself he was a man without talent, living in the shadow of his wife’s professional dynamism. When I asked him to list his achievements, he was initially unable to name even one… except "meeting my wife."However, as we worked together, his list grew long: projects completed, commitments honored, family support... He realized that his lack of confidence was preventing him from envisioning a future. As for Carla, she operated by motivating her family through fear: "If you don't get good grades…" "If you keep going like this…"She believed that acknowledging success would make her loved ones lazy.Their eldest son said:"No matter what we do, she’s never satisfied."Over time, the whole family had emotionally withdrawn. But once Carla agreed to list and regularly acknowledge everyone’s successes, things began to shift:

• Antoine regained his confidence, changed jobs, and allowed his wife more freedom.

• Carla stopped communicating through fear, and the boys became more engaged.

• The whole family regained shared energy, discovered new activities, and developed a more exciting vision for their future. In premarital and couples counseling, recognizing achievements nourishes self-esteem, strengthens bonds, and fosters mutual growth.

👉 Book your session here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Case Study 2: Miroslava and David

Miroslava, originally from the Czech Republic, is a pastry chef. David, from Canada, is an urban planner.They have been together for six years. Miroslava is extroverted, ambitious, and loves taking on challenges. David is calm, discreet, and deeply loyal.They came to see me because Miroslava said:"I feel like I’m the only one moving our life forward."David remained silent. He felt invisible. He loved his wife but no longer felt seen by her. During the session, I suggested an exercise: each partner had to list the other's achievements. David filled an entire page describing Miroslava’s culinary creations, awards, boutique, and efforts... Miroslava took longer. But when she began, she realized she had never really told David how much she admired:

• His consistency

• His ability to listen

• His way of always thinking of the small details that made their daily life easier

She cried. And so did he. Because, for the first time, they saw their efforts recognized.They decided to create a "recognition ritual":

• Once a week, each writes or says three things the other succeeded at during the week

• During conflicts, they revisit a shared list of achievements to reconnect before discussing any disagreements . Premarital and couples counseling helps cultivate this outlook on one another: an outlook that encourages rather than criticizes.

👉 Book a session for your couple here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Psychological Analysis:

Why Listing Achievements Changes Everything

In cognitive psychology, the work of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky demonstrated the negativity bias:

our brains give more weight to negative events than to positive ones.This means that without conscious effort, we quickly forget our successes and mainly retain our failures. Creating a list of achievements is a way to correct a natural cognitive bias and restore a balanced self-image.

In humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers emphasized the fundamental role of self-affirmation and a compassionate gaze in building self-esteem.

In couples therapy, Harville Hendrix (Imago method) recommends mutual recognition rituals to reactivate emotional safety and rebuild connection.

Finally, systemic therapist Virginia Satir taught that regularly validating individual strengths within a relationship (couple, family) fosters mutual growth without creating rivalry.

Celebrating what works is not about flattery — it’s about nourishing the drive to move forward.

👉 Book your session here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Practical Exercises to Do as a Couple

1. Make your own list of achievements: Personal, emotional, relational, professional...

2. Make a list of your partner’s achievements : Even the subtle ones: consistency, listening, loyalty, creativity...

3. Exchange lists once a week: Silently or aloud. The important thing is to receive without debating.

4. Use them as anchors during times of doubt: In conflicts, revisit these achievements to reconnect with what truly matters.

5. Repeat, even if it feels pointless: It’s the consistency of recognition that makes the difference, not its novelty.

Premarital and couples counseling helps you create these positive, lasting, and soothing habits.

👉 Book your session here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Inspirational Conclusion

You are not building a relationship from nothing. You are already two people rich in achievements. By naming and sharing them, you create a strong, confident bond with a promising future.

To Reflect On

"Remembering your victories is remembering that you have always been capable of going further.

"— Anonymous