33 – Discover Your Partner’s Expectations. Let Them Be a Source of Strength, Not Conflict.

Opening Quote:

"True love begins when nothing is expected in return."

— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

33 – Discover Your Partner’s Expectations. Let Them Be a Source of Strength, Not Conflict.

Introduction

In a relationship, we naturally hope for certain things — a tender gesture, a reassuring word, a steady presence during important moments. But when these expectations remain unknown or unacknowledged, they often lead to misunderstanding, hurt, and even silent conflict.

Learning to identify your partner’s expectations — and to have your own heard — is a key step in premarital and couples counseling in Nice. Far from being weaknesses, expectations can become powerful levers to build a conscious, solid, and evolving love.

📍 Book a session here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

CASE STUDY 1: Lila and Vincent — The Need for Presence

Lila and Vincent have been together for three years. Lila works in healthcare, with unpredictable hours and heavy emotional loads. Vincent is an entrepreneur. Very independent, he struggles to understand why Lila feels hurt when he doesn’t respond to her messages.

In session, Lila shares, “I just need to feel like he’s thinking of me. A simple message during the day, that’s all.”

Vincent, surprised, had believed that giving her space was a form of respect. He then realizes Lila’s expectation isn’t about control, but about emotional safety.

Lesson: Identifying an expectation helps avoid years of misunderstanding.

📍 Premarital and couples counseling in Nice helps you name your needs and talk about them respectfully: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

CASE STUDY 2: Karim and Élodie — The Need for Recognition

Karim often feels criticized. Whenever he cooks, shops, or cleans, Élodie doesn’t seem to notice. He broods: “She never sees what I do.”

In therapy, they explore unspoken expectations. Karim admits he longs for a word of appreciation. Élodie assumed that a smile or glance was enough. She grew up in a home where chores were done without explicit thanks.

An unmet expectation becomes a wound. A recognized expectation becomes a bond.

Lesson: Behind many complaints lies an unacknowledged need.

📍 Premarital and couples counseling in Nice helps you listen to what’s not being said: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Psychological and Theoretical Analysis

According to Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication, all judgment, blame, or tension in a couple arises from unmet needs. A frustrated expectation becomes conflict when it’s neither expressed nor heard.

In humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers highlights the importance of empathic listening. Understanding your partner doesn’t mean guessing — it means creating a safe space where they can voice their expectations without fear of being judged.

And sociologist Eva Illouz, in her work on modern love, shows how contemporary relationships are marked by increasingly complex expectations, shaped by romantic ideals, social media, and unresolved childhood wounds.

📍 Premarital and couples counseling in Nice helps you distinguish between realistic needs, romantic fantasies, and essential desires: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Practical Tools to Live Better with Expectations

• Take some quiet time alone and write down everything you expect from your partner — without censoring yourself.

• Sort your expectations: which are vital? Which stem from your past?

• Ask your partner to do the same, then share your lists without judgment.

• Commit to acknowledging one expectation per day — through a gesture, a word, or a moment of attention.

• Reflect on unrealistic expectations: are they trying to fill a void that only you can heal?

📍 With compassionate guidance, you’ll learn to turn expectations into stepping stones: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online

Conclusion

Expectations are not whims. They are the silent messengers of our emotional needs. When ignored, they become weapons. When welcomed, they become bridges.

In a conscious relationship, the goal isn’t to eliminate expectations, but to name them, understand them, and sometimes, reimagine them together.

To Reflect On

"Our expectations are the lenses through which we see the other. Change the lenses… and the face you look at will shine."

📍 Ready to explore expectations in your relationship? Book a session here: https://www.e-coach.fr/book-online